oh well, i'm back from our secondaryy 2 nyaa campp! =)) finally back. i miss everryythinggg. serious. okay. this camp.. sucks. it just simply does. well, we reachedd there on the first day andd the minute i got down from the bus, i was caught by blackiee forr tucking out shirt. *shiit*

f i r s t d a y y -
so yeahh.. ourr first activity we playedd was abseilingg. hadd to "climb" down fromm a 5-6 storeyy highh wall. ohh great. i took the longest time to get downn. heyy. i cant help it all righht. anyways, climbling up the steps was veryyyy scary. i was screamingg as i climbedd up the stairrs. andd damnn dzakir overtook me when i was still clingingg on to the railinggs. but who cares. so yupps. managedd to get up. i was the 3rdd last to abseil downn but was the last to arrive at the bottom. so theyy did manyy checks on topp. andd whenn the instructorr askedd me to reach for the ledge (whiichh was wayy downn the top, but still reacheable) i was areadyy screamingg my lungs out. inn fact i hadd already startedd screamingg when he was helpingg me put the hook on. so i went screamingg all the way. tremblingg andd breakingg in coldd sweat. its scaarrryy. so i toldd the uncle off for "lyingg" to me bout the ledge below. whichh apparently, he wasnt. andd i was scolding him just because i didnt want to go down. *stallingg for time* but still. i went down. very slowly. andd cautiously. grateful to all my friends who are downn cheeringg for me all the wayy. thanks a whole lot. love youu guyys loaadds. so well, after we abseiledd, we went for ziplining whichh is obvious, i did not go. i'ts not that i'm scared. i'm just savingg em the trouble of coveringg theirr earrs. aww. okay. fine. i was scared. i chickened out later anyways. so yupp. went for lunchh and stuffs. andd we practicallyy cookedd ourr own dinner; instant noodles. -.-" yess. anyways. manyy people toppled their food over. andd i didnt, which was amazingg *pats own shoulders* XD

s e c o n d d a y y -
okay. so we woke upp, went for our team builingg activities. there were 3 parts in the team-buildingg sectionn. andd the first one we went to was perveticc tann's one. as a matter of fact, it sucks. its boringg and sucky. he picked on me and sheree all the wayy. made all of us do the activity by ourselves, expectingg at least one of us to fall, whichh none of us did =)) thats whyy he blew his top. made me try doingg somethingg totally impossible by myself while making everyone go dwn on pumpingg position. asshole. anyways. he told me off for "givingg him attitude" accroding to him. be glad. thats all i gave him. i was temptedd to punch him straighht in hiss nose. but all my classmates were looking at me, signalling to me to not do anything. control my temper. andd i did. lucky him. he got off this time. so, yahh. he saidd he didnt like the stare i gave him. aww thats too bad. cos thats the stare i give to pervets. like him especially. he saidd so far only a sec fourr guyy daredd to stare at him at that manner. too bad. then i'll be the first sec 2 to do so. he shuld be honouredd. lucky him in fact =P so well, went on to the other two stations which we hadd loadds of fun.injuredd myselff while pullingg aaronn up the stone wall. lol. many of us injure ourselves at that particular station. but we hadd loads of fun there too. mr quek was encouragingg too. gave us many pointers to overcome the obstacles. to fiinishh our task on time. whichh we failed to do so at the firstround. but managed to do it afterr the 2 round. thenn we proceeded to the rock-climbingg stationn which i chickened out againn later. hahaha.. so after that we went for our day expediture. blackie was assignedd to our class. lost our wayy halfwayy when the boyys refusedd to listenn to us. continuedd their own way. and we got lost =D and apparently, blackie had to lead us back to the righht track after much confusionn. haha. very tiringg. walked for 6 hours. our nighht expediture lasted for approximately 2 and a halff hours. we couldnt see a thingg. almost fell for a couple of times. andd we were extremely afraid. of what, i don't know. well, askedd that idiot if the teacher leadingg us knows the way. natural reactionn. it was dark. we are scared. what do you expect. so that idiot thought i hadd the wrongg attitude. whichh i seriously, dont feel so. anyways. she didnt really say anythingg much. i didnt care to explain further what i meant too. was wayy to tired to argue withh her. was discusiingg some matters withh wee ningg furthermore. so heck. we finally reached our camp site. felt much better. so that idiot is reallt an idiot. a backstabber too. reported to blackie. so he came to confront me. wasnt as bad as i thought. it all went pretty well. made me laughh none stop. haha. had a couple of good laughs before he sent me back to the canteen. lol. unexpected. so we had the same amount of time to bathe, 10 minutes per class. went to the boy's toilet. which didnt have any cublicle. so rinse our hair, with our clothes on though. so yupp. turned in quite early after a long day.

t h i r d d a y -
its the last dayy of campp! wheee~ lol. excitedd and happyyy. everyone packedd up early in the morning. wee ning woke me up asi couldnt wake up on my own. haha. so went to change. just in time for assembly. after we had our breakfast, we went for our last elmet, the rope course. okay i only did one section of the rope course. the one with two longs moving and you're suppposed to walk on the logs to the other end. withno support. only a safety rope attached to us. as we're way up highh. once againn, screamed continuosly. and when i finally reached the other end, i couoldnt find my way down. lucky me. so i kept clinging on to the "wooden pillar" like a kola bear XD ms kohh couldnt stop laughing. though she was very encouraging. so were jeremy, aaron. sj and many others. thousand thanks to youu guys. huugggs. then after that i went to anchor jeremy. he was the belayer. lol. had to hold on the his back of the haness which was slightly above his ass. haha. dont think dirty. think stragihht people. lol. so had loads of fun. sweat alot. lol. making fun of each other. and we were unitedd!!! =)) happy. clapps for everyone. so great. after some cleaning up and stuffs, it was time to go home.. took the bus back to the school and walked to the central withh jeffstonn they all norhhx. heheh. then i insisted to come back on my own. lol. kays. tired. gonna sleep.

path of no returnn never gonna love again-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
11:24 PM

arghh.. feelingg downn. really sadd andd upset. nothinggs gonna helpp. i'm onn the edge of breakingg downn. inn fact i'm alreadyy about to breakk downn i guess..

i hadd just came back fromm johorr, while i was in the carr on myy way back to singapore, alongg the causewayy pointt, i was ponderingg over my thoughts. wonderingg if the choices i made, the things i didd throughoutt the whole of last yearr was righht. haiis. i don't really insist that i'm completely righht in terms of the choices i made andd i admit that i need to re-prioritise my priorities as iwas completely.. and i seriously mean completelyy wrongg.. *reflects backk* guess i did manyy wronggs last yearr. manny. andd one of them was to probrablyy break upp withh him. seriously, i still think of him sometimes. but thinggs aren't gonna change no matter how muchh i miss him. sobbx. thats probrably somethingg i regret the most. andd that i know is for sure. is a fact i can't change. andd i know there is a 0.01% possibilityy of us patchingg, andd 99.9% of us not patchingg. in other wordds, its almost.. almost impossible. unless theres a miracle which i doubt so. yet i seem to be holdingg on to this 0.01% of hope. silly? yeahh silly me. but i just can't help it. have youu guys ever felt.. miserable, sadd, downn, upset, hopeless, helpless andd so pessimistic all of a sudden?.. thats the feelingg i'm feelingg now. so youu guys wont understandd how it feels. its not a goodd feelingg too. besides, who would want to feel this way? i wouldn't want to. but it just comes. andd i cant change it. i'm just givingg him away. each day. he seems to sokmehow drift further andd furtherr. i'm like. givingg all my memories awayy to her. giving all i knowbout him to her. till i findd him so.. so.. find him like a total strangerr. its not that i'm willingg to. but. to give him away? after all, she's myy meii. can youu believe it? my meii likes my boyy.. well. he isn't exactly my boyy no more. but. my once-usedd-to-y be boyy. i cannt do anythingg. wh? is godd makingg a fool of us? lettingg bothh meii andd jie likingg the same guyy?.. whyy? why must it be himm.. whyy didnt i trust himm in the past.. iif i hadd a secondd chance, i wouldd treasure himm even more. yet, there's no turningg back. i have got no idea of what i shouldd do. without himm, i feel like the worldd's weigght is now on myy shoulders. iif he was aroundd. nothingg like thiss would happen. so whyy aren't youu here to help me this time roundd? why? why? why? he knows i like him even thoughh we've brokenn up. but whyy? whyy is this still the outcome? have we really gone on the path of "no turning back"? thoughh i'm almost next to himm everyday, i'm always wearingg that smile whichh everyone likes to see. bbut deep downn inside, i'm cryingg. but youu aren't here to comfort me. andd i know. youu will never be there for me. but why do i still hope youu are? just after our break up. i'm forced to make a choice againn. i'm confusedd. the 29th dayy dateline is nearingg soon. yet i'm still in a state of confusionn andd mess. i dont know. i've got loads to say. but.. there are manyy thinggs which aren't convenient for me to mentionn in detail out here. but yet, theres so much for me to elaborate on. to sayy. to tell. but i guess i'll endd it here.

i've written my thoughts and my feelinggs. i know some of youu may not like to readd it. but. i'm sorry. i just can't help it. please pardonn me. let me lightenn my burdenn by writing them out. as all i have now are onlyy my memories. so please.. bear withh me.

cherishh the people next to youu. as youu may never get the chance to when youu want to...
miserable-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
11:11 PM

hmms. yeahh.. hadd 3 more secondaryy 1meiis over the past feww dayys. yeahh. one of themm was joeyy's sisterr. yuppx. so ermm. theirr all fromm 1.3 lol. *coincidental* hahas. ermm. it so happenedd that a sec 1 likes himm too. okayy. saidd he's real handsome. okayy. maybe to her he is? i donn't know. well, ermm yeahh. askedd loads of stuffs bout him. which took me loads of time to answer. lol. so the onlyy questionn i didn't answer her was, "who is his ex" andd "who is my ex" thats the two questions. i told her to ask him herself, and ask around if she really wants to know who my ex is, respectively. andd by the way. i was wonderingg. am i suppossed to laughh? its somehow like. whoops she got the wrongg person. so anyways, good forr her. unfortunatelyy she's alreadyy attachedd. yet she likes him. ohh great. he's online. *clapps clapps* too badd she's not online. so not fatedd. poor gurrl. i'm not trying to be sarcastic. but serious.. poor thingg. yeahh so anyway guys, i'll not be blogging as oftenn as i do last time cos. i'm really busyy withh my school work these few dayys. tryingg my best to complete my work andd stuffs. yupp. so take caree norhhx

givingg youu awayy withh my bare handds helplessly.. unpredictable-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
7:41 PM

wee-u-weet. saww myy secondaryy onne chinese instrumenta orchestraa junioorss =).. all alittle shorrt. so well, we've beenn assignedd 2 secondaryy ones to the cello/base groupp. so yeahh. enjoyedd cio todayy i guess. hmms christiann saiid some thinggs. which i donn't know iif i shouldd belief. muahahas =D kayys. gott loadds to do. so blogg anotherr dayy i guess.

spare a thoughht forr others as we're not the onlyy ones onn the earthh selfishh-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
6:11 PM

okayy. guess this is reallyy the endd of the bothh of us. just hadd a talk just noww. yeahh. finally clarifiedd stuffs totally. what he saidd was "its time to carry on, thinggs just didn't turnn out righht. we cann be friendds." yeahh. we'll probrablyy be better off as just friendds. so yeahh. andd he saidd he wasn't the sort who wouldd patchh. okaays. respect his decisionn. concentratingg on studies now. yeahh. so well, loadds happenedd these feww dayys. yahh. shan't write it out here as youu guyys wouldd be bored to deathh from readingg all of it. uhh. so yeahh. everyone's been usingg "what youu believe is what youu achieve" on theirr msn nick. thats what the principal saidd. okayy. its true andd meaningful but. when it somes out of his mouth, it somehow sounds weirdd and horrid.. weird? no idea. yeahh. so don't really like him. andd mr quek! everydayy catchingg me. i cant standd him anymore. God.. saveme~

fate fell short this time, yourr smile fades in the summerr. place youur handd inn mine, i'll leave when i wanna.. sweetbeginningsbitterendinggs-
( taken from jonan's msn nickname =)) )

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
10:58 PM

hmms. had art lessons today. yeah. mr razak's a great teacher. nice andd funny. but we've got to clip up our hairr duringg lessons. aiyoo. so ma fan. nevermindd lahh. at least his lesson's fun and great. so yupp. hadd cio todayy. after playing over the songg we're perfromingg tomorrow two times, we all just lazedd aroundd and chat till 3 before we were dismissed. yuppers.andd yeahh one more thingg. i've got a di called norvan. lol. unique name. haha. myy first sec one god-brotherr. so cutee. yeahh not that bad looking lahh very kawaii lorhh. haha annd elson haha. also become my meii. haha. i "bigger" than him arhhs. lol. ya lorhhs

lets endd ourr story withh a full-stopp now that we've gone our seperate wayys.. itstheenddiguess-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
4:39 PM

todayy had spot check. a real spot check. they checked our bags and stuffs. fringe, fingernails, socks and attire. okay. i got this teacher who's really very lenient i guess. she just told me politely and nicely to clip up my fringe and thats all. so there was liquid paper in my pencil case which we're not suppossed to bring. so, i took it out and placed it inside my box of acrylic paint. =P smart move i guess. teachers didnt find out.. yup then on my way back to my seat after the teachers were done, mdm phyllis tan called me out and asked me to braid up my hair. so using the same excuse-hair is layered, cant be braided, she asked me to tie another rubberband below. then ms tan insisted that my hair could be braided and she even tried braiding for me. too bad. my hair just started comingg off from the braids one after another. so se gave up and asked me to tie another rubberband. woah. at this time, 4 or 5 teachers were already crowding around me. so grand. as if i'm some notorious student. so mr razak came over and asked if i've done a major offence and mr quek answered no.. only hair.. so he went off. good for me i guess. so yeahh. had art and it was fun and great. mr razak was our art teacher. we expected him to be fierce. but he wasnt. *amazed* he's a great teacher honestly. yeahh.. so somethingg went really wrong i guess.. something personal i shant post here..

if this is what youu want fine. but i'll never be able to forgive you. all these unhappiness.. why? everlastingglove-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
8:35 PM

today's the 3rdjanuaryy2oo5.. school's reopened. and iits the first dayy of school. yeahh.. saww loads of myy friendds who i miss loadds. so after morningg assembly, i thought i've alreadyy escaped the teacher's clutches when suddenlyy, mr shafiq withh a few of the otherr teachers, eg. mr san, mr gohh etc, stopped all of us from leavingg. great! they're havingg a spotcheck outside. goshh. so got caught forr haiir and the minute mr san saw me he said.." this one get caught the other one ( joyna ) also sure caught one. so unluckyy.. loads of others got caught too. and we were all tryingg to clip our hairr upp. so yeahh. got a lecture blahh blahh and we returned to our classrooms. i don't know if i'm plain unlucky or what. but we got mr quek as our form teacher. darnn. he laid off so many rules and said he'll call our parents and stuffs. haii. i'm doomed. addingg to my misery, we've got a new principal.. a guy, in his forties? i don't know. but he's extremely.. bhb. keeps thinkingg that he's really handsome. as if we'll ever fall in love with him. he's also reallyy naggy. worse than mrs teo. he talked for probrably 1 whole hour. but i think its longer than that. even the teachers were tired of hearing him speak. lol. whats more, i've got to face him everyday now that school's reopened. really don't know how. but guess it was kinda embarrasingg for the bothh of us. furthermore, we're always "near" eacch other.. sittingg arrangements in the hall and the location of our classrooms.. all really near to my class. but for the time beingg, studiess is all i can think of. so i won't be comingg online so often, since i'll be concentratingg hardd on my studies. so yeah... hope that i'll get into a good class in sec 3 i guess.. at least thats all i can do for now.

i'm just an empty shell without a soul.. lovingg someone is more difficult than it may seem-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
2:05 PM

feelingg so numbed and tired. schools reopeningg reallyy soon.. am i prepared to face him? am i ready for a new relationship? these thoughts have been goingg through my mind repeatedly. yet i can't seem to findd the answer to my questions. suddenly all i can think of is study. thinkingg of how i'll fare. feelingg sick and tired of everythingg around me. losing interest. losing hope. losing faith. losing life. really tired. i wishh i'd lose my memoryy. so i wont keep thinking of the past, which leaves a scarr in my heart. when's it gonna be healed? everyone around me seems to be in love.. wishingg all the couples out there all the best. mayy yourr love last forever..

its hard to find someone you love in this world. better still, if the other pasrtyy loves youu too. so cherish this relationship.. love's bout sharingg not havingg-

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
9:50 PM