downn and miserable-
Friday, January 21, 2005
11:11 PM
arghh.. feelingg downn. really sadd andd upset. nothinggs gonna helpp. i'm onn the edge of breakingg downn. inn fact i'm alreadyy about to breakk downn i guess..
i hadd just came back fromm johorr, while i was in the carr on myy way back to singapore, alongg the causewayy pointt, i was ponderingg over my thoughts. wonderingg if the choices i made, the things i didd throughoutt the whole of last yearr was righht. haiis. i don't really insist that i'm completely righht in terms of the choices i made andd i admit that i need to re-prioritise my priorities as iwas completely.. and i seriously mean completelyy wrongg.. *reflects backk* guess i did manyy wronggs last yearr. manny. andd one of them was to probrablyy break upp withh him. seriously, i still think of him sometimes. but thinggs aren't gonna change no matter how muchh i miss him. sobbx. thats probrably somethingg i regret the most. andd that i know is for sure. is a fact i can't change. andd i know there is a 0.01% possibilityy of us patchingg, andd 99.9% of us not patchingg. in other wordds, its almost.. almost impossible. unless theres a miracle which i doubt so. yet i seem to be holdingg on to this 0.01% of hope. silly? yeahh silly me. but i just can't help it. have youu guys ever felt.. miserable, sadd, downn, upset, hopeless, helpless andd so pessimistic all of a sudden?.. thats the feelingg i'm feelingg now. so youu guys wont understandd how it feels. its not a goodd feelingg too. besides, who would want to feel this way? i wouldn't want to. but it just comes. andd i cant change it. i'm just givingg him away. each day. he seems to sokmehow drift further andd furtherr. i'm like. givingg all my memories awayy to her. giving all i knowbout him to her. till i findd him so.. so.. find him like a total strangerr. its not that i'm willingg to. but. to give him away? after all, she's myy meii. can youu believe it? my meii likes my boyy.. well. he isn't exactly my boyy no more. but. my once-usedd-to-y be boyy. i cannt do anythingg. wh? is godd makingg a fool of us? lettingg bothh meii andd jie likingg the same guyy?.. whyy? why must it be himm.. whyy didnt i trust himm in the past.. iif i hadd a secondd chance, i wouldd treasure himm even more. yet, there's no turningg back. i have got no idea of what i shouldd do. without himm, i feel like the worldd's weigght is now on myy shoulders. iif he was aroundd. nothingg like thiss would happen. so whyy aren't youu here to help me this time roundd? why? why? why? he knows i like him even thoughh we've brokenn up. but whyy? whyy is this still the outcome? have we really gone on the path of "no turning back"? thoughh i'm almost next to himm everyday, i'm always wearingg that smile whichh everyone likes to see. bbut deep downn inside, i'm cryingg. but youu aren't here to comfort me. andd i know. youu will never be there for me. but why do i still hope youu are? just after our break up. i'm forced to make a choice againn. i'm confusedd. the 29th dayy dateline is nearingg soon. yet i'm still in a state of confusionn andd mess. i dont know. i've got loads to say. but.. there are manyy thinggs which aren't convenient for me to mentionn in detail out here. but yet, theres so much for me to elaborate on. to sayy. to tell. but i guess i'll endd it here.
i've written my thoughts and my feelinggs. i know some of youu may not like to readd it. but. i'm sorry. i just can't help it. please pardonn me. let me lightenn my burdenn by writing them out. as all i have now are onlyy my memories. so please.. bear withh me.
cherishh the people next to youu. as youu may never get the chance to when youu want to...
miserable-
You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
11:11 PM