damn..
Friday, March 18, 2005
11:28 PM
arghh. i'm crying again, oh great. we broke down today. he cried. i cried. we both cried. i hate this day. it probrably spells the end of us too. i feel bad. he's carving himself. torturing himself. cutting his veins. on wednesday. i saw many cuts on his hand. my heart broke. now.. its happening again. we've fallen out. we were fine. until we talked about jeff. he said. if i accepted jeff he wouldn't be hurt. yea. he wouldn't be hurt. but i was hurt. deeply. and badly. couldnt cry. cos my mom and dad where both there. so i smiled. and laughed. like what i would do. reached tution. he called me. but i couldnt answer. so i went to da toilet. belvin said he cried. its strange. cos i cried too. in the toilet. all the aunties were like staring at me. so embarrassing. i dont know what to do. my eyes are swelling. from the excessive crying? probrably. i feel like a bum. all i can do is just to cry. i'm so useless. i hate myself. shouldnt have fallen for him. tried using the sharp objects i could find to hurt myself. physical pain beats emotional pain i guess. but it doesnt help.
so many peeps are talking to me on behalf. they're so concern. i dont know what to do. he apologised. he says i need you. i love you but. its really not as easy as he thinks to forget all that has happened. i hate myself and i love him. but i cant bring myself to forgive him. i'm sorry
i miss you too. but i guess its time we let go. it should be easier. since we didnt even started in the first place. but.. i guess i really did loved you. but.. lets face it. we're not meant to be
You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
11:28 PM